There were days I hoped we would accomplish a lot and other days, we had all the time in the world. At least it seemed like we did. Since she was originally a project pony and going to be sold at some point, I tried my best to keep myself distanced from her and not get too attached. It sort of worked for a while.
Eventully I gave in, allowing myself to love everything about her. Obviously. My friend at the barn had told me once, that she could see the way I treated Izzy a little differently than the other horses. She was different because she was special, but what my friend meant was that I didn't look at her the same way I looked at horses I was close to. I was reserved, if not shut down a bit and almost cold.
That may be why after putting her down, I never really let myself grieve her loss. I was more shocked and numb over losing her, but I never really cried over her being gone. Sure once in a while there might be a few tears here and there, but I never really let it all out and let go.
Until the night I was watching the Garth Brooks concert from Notre Dame stadium on tv. He ended it with his song The Dance. Knowing the way it all would end? Yes. I would still, absolutely do it all over again. Without hesitation and without a doubt.
Miss Izzy never semed to have a bad day. She met me at the gate every day with a whinny or several and always looked forward to whatever it was we were going to do that day. Izzy held nothing back. She was a pony full of try and gave me everything she had.
Looking back, there are a few things I might change. One thing obviously is maybe catching everything a bit sooner and she might still be around. But sometimes we aren't supposed to mess with the natural flow of things. Things happen for reasons we sometimes cannot understand.
